I am the Beyonder Queen.
You are my subjects.
Tax notices go out next week.
I am a foster parent--have been for six years. Impressed? Wait, there's more. I am in my fifties. AND we've adopted three of the twenty-five kids who have come through our home. I am now waiting for a collective "WOW."
Along the way, I've discovered a few things about fostering as an older parent--things that make my job a little easier. That's what I want to share in this blog. Resources, tips and bang-your-head-against-the-wall frustrations.
There will be about a week's lag in posts to this blog while I collect my thoughts and wait for my Metimucil to work. AND, if you don't believe that humor has a place in foster care, this isn't the blog for you. If you like, have a peek at my web sites: http://agoodread.bravehost.com/ and http://www.lifeplusone.net/
I have written a list of ten rules to give my children ( adopted and foster) to help them adjust to having an older parent. This is one of the few times my blog will address kids' problems. I want to help the adults. The REAL adults. The people 50 and Beyond. You know who you are.
1) GERITOL IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE FOR PANCAKE SYRUP. I KNOW IT IS UNFAIR, BUT THE FACT IS THAT THE REVERSE WORKS FOR US...THE USE OF A LOT OF PANCAKE SYRUP MAY WORK MUCH LIKE THE GERITOL.
2) WE REMEMBER WHEN THERE WERE NO VIDEO GAMES AND WE BELIEVE YOU WILL SURVIVE US DELETING THE 35,000 FILES THAT YOUR VIRTUAL BATTLE GAME HAS INSTALLED ON OUR COMPUTER.
3) THE FACT THAT WE CAN'T CATCH YOU IS A FALSE SECURITY. WE DON'T HAVE TO CATCH YOU. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE TO RUN AFTER YOU. WE KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.
4) YOUR ROOMS ARE UPSTAIRS. DON'T MAKE US COME UP THERE. AS A MATTER OF FACT, DON'T MAKE US EVEN BEND OVER. WE CAN'T BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONSEQUENCES.
5) YOU MAY HAVE ONLY ONE SODA A DAY. I DON'T CARE IF YOU THINK IT IS UNFAIR THAT OUR SODAS ARE UNLIMITED. LOOK AT OUR BODIES. WE HAVE ALREADY RUINED THEM. LOOK AT OUR TEETH--THEY COME OUT.
6) YOUR FRIENDS ARE WELCOME AT YOUR HOUSE. AS LONG AS THEY DON'T SCREAM. WE HATE SCREAMING. WE EVEN HATE LOUD BREATHING.
7) WE INCLUDE, WITH THE CLASSICS, RE-RUNS OF GUNSMOKE AND BONANZA. YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO WATCH THEM. THERE WILL BE A TEST.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WATCH RE-RUNS OF tHE MONKEES. WE ARE OLD--NOT INSANE.
9) HAMBURGERS AND PIZZA MUST BE ACCOMPANIED BY SALAD. GREEN SALAD. WITH LETTUCE.
10) THERE ARE MORE RULES, BUT I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT THEY WERE.
