R-E-S-P-E-C-T this is what it means to me

I love Aretha Franklin. Well, not exactly. I don't know Aretha, but I love her voice. And that's a great song. I was reminded of it at a teachers' meeting at my children's high school the other day. I was talking to them about the needs of foster children, but the pre-meeting talk had taken another tack.



"I don't know," said one young male teacher. "I just can't get my kids to pay attention in class. They're always goofing off and talking over me. "

Yeah," said another. Makes me think about that movie..."

"Blackboard Jungle?" I asked.

Blank stares. Then the young woman who had spoken said, "No. 'A Walk to Remember.' Because when they act that way, I wish I was with my boyfriend on a walk, instead of at school in class."

"Yeah," said the first teacher. "I wish I was out on my Wave Jumper or something."



I agree with them. I know their classes, and they might as well be at the movies, or on a Wave Jumper. They aren't doing much teaching. AND IT ISN'T ALL THE FAULT OF THE KIDS.

These younger teachers ( and some of the older ones) encourage the students to call them by their first names...or, even worse, by their nicknames.



"Hi, 'G', " one says to his English teacher as he meets him in the hall.

The teacher is Mr. Gregory. He is in his late fifties or early sixties. I imagine it might be flattering when a kid likes you enough to call you by your nickname. It means you're his "bud," his amigo. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT MEANS.

So, can you blame the kid when...two hours later...he is in class and he doesn't understand the relationship with the teacher has suddenly morphed?

OKAY. IN THE DARK AGES ( THE SIXTIES) WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL, WE CALLED OUR TEACHERS "MR. _______ " AND "MRS. _____." For the most part, we didn't talk over them and we certainly didn't give them sarcastic answers in class. If we didn't want to listen, we did the honorable thing and slept. ( If you could sleep with your eyes open.)



And our culture is teaching children that there are no boundaries between what is acceptable public behavior and what is best said and done in private.



Our foster daughters frequently ask my husband Charlie if their blouses make their "boobs" look too big. Now, I don't believe that parts of the body are "dirty." But I do believe that we should reserve some things for the privacy ...and the security...of our best friends. We have tried to impress upon the girls that: 1) we don't approve of the indiscriminate use of the word and

2) we believe that you should only ask that of someone you are SURE is comfortable answering that intimate a question. We ask them to rephrase the question using the proper name for the body part.

"Does this shirt make my breasts look too big?"

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? USING THE ANATOMICALLY CORRECT NAME EMBARRASSES THEM.



We understand that this is the generation ( or the kids of the generation) that gave us Brittney Spears. They are accustomed to dress and language that would take Hugh Heffner aback.

SO we're old fashioned. Prudish. Well, maybe, but what do you think the girls would have said if my husband asked them if his pants made his penis look too big? Of course, we wouldn't say anything like that, especially to foster children, BUT WHAT IF?



I guess it all comes down to this: The kids are what we teach them to be. A lot of schools are going back to uniforms. Not only does it take away the competitive nature of fashion, but it puts kids in a frame of mind to learn. It signals that this time is different from time on the court or at the mall. I THINK I LIKE THE IDEA.

And we can require the students to respect one another and the teacher. To differentiate between the two.

And while we're at it, we can teach the teachers. ACT mature. DRESS mature. Cleavage is for the club, not the classroom. Sweatshirts belong at the gym or in front of TV, not in front of thirty students. YOU'RE THE ADULT. YOU KNOW MORE THAN THEY DO. IMPRESS THAT ON THEM. DRESS THE PART. ACT THE PART. DON'T ALLOW THE KIDS TO THINK OF YOU AS THEIR PEER.



Anyway, back to the meeting. I opened my big mouth and opined about all the above to those teachers at that meeting. They were polite. After all, I am a Beyonder and older than most of them ( But younger than several...ha ha.) They humored me.

BUT I STILL THINK I'M RIGHT. WE CAN'T DEMAND RESPECT FROM KIDS UNLESS WE SHOW THEM WE'RE WORTHY OF IT.



We need to teach some r-e-s-p-e-c-t to a generation which believes "modest" is a dirty word and "boobs" is a cute euphemism.